Chapter Eighteen:

By the time Ginny reached Canterbury, to talk to Neville, her anger had subsided. She didn�t know why she had let the old bat get to her. The old witch had probably made it all up just to get some attention.

Feeling less irrational, she had nevertheless, forgotten exactly what she was going to say Neville. And so it was with some nervousness that she cleared her throat behind him as he sat digging and planting.

He looked over his shoulder and his face brightened when he saw her.

�Ginny! This is a surprise! You never come out to visit-� Neville paused and looked at her face. �Wait. Is everything okay with everyone? Nothing�s happened or anything has it?�

Ginny shook her head. Neville smiled, looking relieved and stood up. He removed the dragon hide gloves he�d been planting with and walked over to her. He embraced her in a short hug and looked expectantly at her.

Oh god, you can�t do this, she thought to herself.

Finding her voice somehow, she smiled weakly at him. �I... I thought it�d be nice for us to go somewhere and have a drink or early dinner. There�s some things I...�

�Wonderful idea. There are some things I want to ask you about too! Let me just go tell Susan I�m leaving early and we can pop back to London. I have a surprise for you. At least I hope it is,� Neville turned away before she could say anything. But he paused and then looked at her again. �Are you sure there�s nothing wrong? You look as white as a ghost.�

�No, I�m fine, Neville. I�ll wait out front for you, okay?�

�Okay! Be right there!�

She watched as Neville turned and practically ran off to wherever Susan was. She just couldn�t do it. At that moment Ginny felt as though she�d rather marry Neville and live her whole life with him than break even one tiny part of his heart.

You are a very bad person, Ginny Weasley, said the voice in her head. It sounded vaguely like her mum�s.

As she waited outside, Ginny looked at the sky. It was still dark, but so far it had only rained on her once. She hoped her luck stayed through the night.

�All right, I�m here. Let�s go to my flat for dinner. I want to ask you something in private where we won�t be interrupted.�

Ginny startled and looked at him. He was smiling at her, so innocent and unsuspecting. Inside her, she felt her heart break. All the feelings that Neville created in her- protection, caring, tenderness... they all seemed to be bubbling to her surface.

�All right, Neville. We�ll do what you want.�

The both Apparated at the same time, after a quick glance around to make sure no one was looking. Neville arrived right before she did and was already opening his door. She followed him in and smiled despite herself. Neville�s flat looked very much like the flat of someone who spent his time arm deep in planting soil and flowers. New breeds of plants that he was always trying to get started were all over the table and floors. It was a Herbology greenhouse gone awry, right in the middle of Wizard London. Before it had always bothered Ginny, but right now she saw it as an endearing trait.

�Here, let me clear off the sofa. Sorry, I was up late last night, reading. After the party I just couldn�t sleep.�

Ginny blushed at that, but Neville didn�t seem to notice. He tossed the many books on flora and fauna that he had onto the floor and then used his wand to line them all up on the bookcase again. After he was satisfied that it was presentable enough, he pointed to the sofa and she sat down.

�Want anything to drink? Water? Tea-�

�Do you have any butterbeer?�

�I think so, let me check.�

Ginny sat back and rubbed her hand over her head. Her other hand strayed to the stone around her neck and she almost took it out of its pouch, to help steady her. As Neville sat down next to her, he placed the cold bottle in her hand.

�There you go, the last two I had. Here�s to... the future.�

Ginny watched as he winked at her and then took a drink of his butterbeer. She couldn�t toast the future with him- they didn�t have one.

�Is something wrong, Ginny?�

�Neville... I...-� Ginny paused and shook her head. How do you tell someone you�re not in love with them? How do you break someone�s heart?

�Oh I have to go first, Ginny. I�m sorry. You look so serious and I do so want to cheer you up. Do you mind?�

Ginny smiled sadly at him and shook her head.

�Okay. Well, remember that Ministry of Magic grant I applied for awhile back- the one that would allow me to take a year off from Hogwarts and travel to Russia?�

Ginny frowned. �I sort of do... is that the one where you would travel by boat and go to the different islands?�

�Yes! Well, I heard back from them today. And guess what, Ginny? They want me! Me! Out of all their applicants. They were really impressed with my essay, they said. I can�t believe it- finally I get to go out and study and see part of the world! I get to be with other wizards who love plants like I do! It�s what I�ve always wanted to do.�

�Well, I�m happy for you, if it�s something you�ve really wanted. You�ve worked really hard.�

Neville smiled broadly at her. �Just think of it Ginny- traveling from island to island, discovering new plant life! We�re visiting Solvenkia and the Archangel Archipelago. They have some plants there that don�t grow any place else!�

Ginny shook her head to make sure had heard him right. �I�m sorry, Neville... but did you say... we?�

�Yes! You and me, Ginny. They won�t let you take anyone but a spouse of course, because availability is so small, but I reckon we can get married and that can be our honeymoon!�

�Neville... I... I don�t want to leave my family for year. I don�t want to leave my position at the Ministry either.�

�Oh, I know, it would be hard, but we can send owls and your job would still be here when we get back. You�re the best, Ginny. They created that position for you, after all!�

�But Neville... I mean, getting married to go on a trip? Isn�t that a bit...�

�I think it�s sort of romantic, really. Let me show you a picture of Slovenkia, it�s lovely Ginny, you�ll really love it. When Susan saw it she just went over with excitement...let me see... where is that book-�

As Neville turned to find it, Ginny pulled his arm back. He turned to her with a question on his face.

�You�re not listening to me Neville. I don�t want to go. I�m sorry, but I don�t. What would I do on a boat while you were off gathering plants?�

�But you�d join in, of course! It�d be great fun. Susan loves helping me with the plants... I mean, I reckon you can learn to love it too, right?�

Ginny closed her eyes and tried to keep her voice even.

�Neville... I�m not Susan. I never will be the type of girl that likes to muck about with plants. I�m afraid that I would only be a hindrance to you on this trip. You need to go and do it because it will be good for you. You deserve this chance, you�ve worked very hard for it. But I don�t deserve to go...�

She looked into his eyes then and she smiled, kindly. �I don�t deserve you, Neville.�

Neville looked at her and suddenly a change came over him. It was almost as though he was being deflated by a pinprick. He slumped and sat back on the sofa. After a moment, he spoke.

�I know. I was hoping I could persuade you to go, but... I know you�d be miserable, Ginny. I don�t know what I was thinking. You don�t belong with me... out on a boat somewhere. You belong here with your family and with Dex... and Harry.�

Ginny looked at him, startled. Neville offered her a weak smile.

�I know you still have feelings for him. I�m not that stupid and yes,� Neville raised his hand when she opened her mouth, �I know I�m not stupid at all. I took one look at your face when you saw him at lunch the other day and I knew it... just like I know which plant fights off infection or which herb is good for meditation. I just know it. I think I�ve always known it,� Neville paused and looked at her, his eyes wide. �Harry�s always been the one to do that to you and I�ve always been the one on the side, hoping it was him, instead.�

Ginny couldn�t believe how perceptive he was. �Neville... I�m... �

Neville offered her sad smile. �Surprised I can be so observant?�

Ginny felt the heat of her own blush and looked away. Embarrassed, she shook her head. �Oh Neville, I�m afraid I�ve done a great disservice to you. I... I should have spoken to you ages ago about this.�

�And I kept hoping you�d eventually grow to love me, so who�s really the fool? I reckon we were good for each other... for a time.�

Ginny met his eyes again and wiped at the tear that had fallen from her eye. �I don�t know what to say.�

�You can say that you�ll make yourself happy, someday. That you�ll listen to your heart and do what it says and you won�t take no for answer from him this time. That you�ll fight him if he�s stupid enough to push you away again,� Neville paused, his voice going soft. �And you can say that in all the time we�ve been together, you cared for me, at least a little bit.�

Ginny felt the tears really start to fall this time and she bit her lip to keep from sobbing out loud. She reached out her hand and Neville took it, gently, as though he was afraid she would break. She crawled over the remaining space between them and buried herself in his arms.

�I do care for you, Neville. I care for you so much. You have no idea. You don�t know how many times I�ve wished that I could be with you instead. You�re so good and brave and honest and you�ve always been there for me and I love you so much. I�m the person I am today because of you, Neville Longbottom, don�t ever forget it.�

Neville held her for a long time. After awhile he pulled away and looked down at her, his own face tear-stained.

�I won�t ever forget you, Ginny. We�re friends, right? We�re Gryffindor�s. And Gryffindor�s never forget a friend.�

Ginny wiped at her eyes and laughed. �No, I reckon they don�t. Especially not two old friends like us.�

Neville smiled at her and she moved upwards, until she was face to face with him. Bending forward, she kissed his forehead.

�What was that for then?� he whispered.

Ginny smiled and brushed a stray tear off of his cheek. �For being you. Some day you�re going to make some girl very happy, Neville. And I�ll dance at your wedding and think of how glad I am that I know you and how grateful I am that you wanted to be in my life.�

Neville blushed and brought his head down to hers. He kissed her softly on the forehead, just as she had done to him. �I�m the one who�s grateful, Ginny. You taught me how to love and how to believe in myself, and that�s the best gift anyone can give.�

Ginny closed her eyes, feeling her heart ache. �Oh, Neville. What am I going to do with you?�

�Well, you�re not going to marry me, that�s for sure.�

Ginny pulled away from him and then laughed when she saw the smile on his face. Her and Neville may not have any future romance together, but she knew they would always have each other as friends. And that was better than almost anything.