�I could have loved your for ever.
What do you want from me?
Are you trying to punish me?
Punish me for loving you?
Punish me for nothing?
For nothing.
I�m out amongst the walking wounded.�
-Everything But the Girl
Chapter Eight:
Ginny had a spring in her step as she made her way to Hermione�s rooms. She had made plans to eat with her friend for dinner, away from the Great Hall and the others. After stopping off to see Neville, Ginny realized she felt as though a huge weight had been lifted. No, she hadn�t forgotten about Harry and the things that were still unresolved between them, but she was now beginning to realize that wasn�t her problem any longer. It was his. If he wanted to run away to London and live his life alone, so be it.
Humming under her breath, she knocked on Hermione�s door and waited for an answer. When none came, she tried the door and it creaked open.
�Hermione? Are you here? It�s Ginny.�
Looking around, she noticed that it looked as though Hermione had just stepped out for a moment, so she went in to wait for her. Laying her books on top of some parchments Hermione had left on the desk, she made a beeline to the chair in front of it. Two seconds later she was sorry she�d bothered.
�Crookshanks! Bad cat. It�s me, Ginny Weasley, don�t you recognize me?�
Crookshanks hissed at her and then, after getting a good look at his would-be squasher, sniffed at her. Finally realizing that she was who she said she was, the cat purred and jumped down from the chair, his tail knocking a piece of parchment down to the floor. He moved in between Ginny�s legs in apology and purred louder.
�You mean thing, you really scratched me!� Ginny said to the cat, holding out her hand as an affront. Crookshanks licked at it.
�Well, that certainly makes up for it, thanks,� Ginny said, grinning at the cat. He slid past her and made for the bed. Ginny turned around and picked up the parchment that had fallen to the floor. The recognition of the handwriting made her eyes unintentionally read the first visible line.
�and Harry sure seemed to enjoy it, and from what you�ve told me, maybe it�s best Ginny doesn�t find out right away...�
Fully aware that she was reading a private letter from her brother to Hermione, Ginny stopped herself before reading more. But the letter was about her, wasn�t it? Didn�t she have a right?
Feeling something like a Slytherin, Ginny unfolded the rest of the letter and read.
Harry and I were having dinner and who do you reckon shows up? Cho Chang and she was very much Harry this and Harry that and I tell you Hermione, I felt as though I didn�t even exist. Of course, I reckon she and I have never gotten along, but she was really rude! Anyway, Harry and her got progressively more into talking with each other (and more into larger glasses of Ogden�s Firewhiskey- I didn�t have a drop, promise!) and not into talking to me, so we called it an early night and the two went back to Lupin�s, I gather. I could not have stopped them to save their lives, Hermione. Chang was practically throwing herself at him and Harry seemed to enjoy it...
Ginny could just see it in her mind. Cho throwing herself at Harry. Their dark heads bent together, laughing, touching... she imagined Cho looking up at Harry with those big eyes of hers and blinking them seductively. Harry being happy that he could finally be physical with someone in the way he had wanted to be with her...
Harry sure seemed to enjoy it.
It was though her stomach had dropped and her skin had gone ice cold. Ginny felt the tears begin to fall, fast and hot on her cheeks. Tossing the letter on the desk, she grabbed her books and bolted out of Hermione�s room, slamming the door behind her. Too many images were in her head and they were too crude, too brutal to witness and all she wanted to do was stop it, stop feeling. Stop her heart from rupturing into a black, hateful thing. Harry didn�t want to be alone, he just didn�t want to be with her.
�Hey, Weasley, wait up!�
Ginny heard his voice behind her and she stopped. She turned and watched as Louis Fagan ran up to her, a smile on his face. When he saw her face, he faltered, not sure what was wrong. �Hey, Ginny, are you okay?�
She stared up at the boy in front of her and all she could see was Harry and Cho, together, laughing at her. Damn them, she thought to herself. Damn him.
�Louis, do you like me? Do you really, really like me? Or am I just a game to you?�
Louis stared at her in confusion, his brow furrowed. �Of course I like you, Weasley. You�re... I mean, I know I act all nonchalant about it, but you�re the most beautiful girl I�ve ever seen.� Louis reached out and touched her hair and then moved his hand to wipe one of the tears off of her cheek. He whispered her name.
Ginny closed her eyes at the act of tenderness and imagined that it was Harry�s hand touching her. She felt Harry�s arms around her, and remembered the feeling of his lips. She needed to do something... anything, to burn the memory of him out of her mind.
�Then come with me and let me feel it. Show me how beautiful I am.�
Ginny led Louis to her room. With each touch and each new sensation, she bit back the tears and tried very hard to make the ghost of Harry melt away.
Harry was trying to get everything ready for his trip. He didn�t have a lot, thank goodness, most of it was still either at Hogwarts or in storage. Thinking of Hogwarts made him think of Hermione, which made him think of Ron. He should probably tell his best friend he was leaving the country for awhile, or else he�d never hear the end of it.
Before he could decide how to do it, there was a knock on Lupin�s door. Please don�t let it be Cho.
He opened the door to reveal the person he�d just been thinking about.
�Ron! I was just thinking about you, come in. I�ve got some news.�
Ron smiled and entered the flat, noticing the different piles of clothes on the furniture.
�So it�s true then, you�re really going to America?�
Harry looked up in surprise. �How�d you-?�
Ron laughed. �Harry, when your father is the Minister of Magic and your brother works for Gringott�s, your bound to have the type of connections that allow you to hear something about someone, eventually. The only thing I don�t know, is why. So what gives?�
Harry chuckled. He should have known that exchanging a large amount of Galleons into American wizarding money would cause some talk.
�Bill knows? All the way in France?�
�Well, no. But his friend at Gringott�s knows. Gossipy little Goblin named Beetred. Said oh, did I know that Mr. Harry Potter had made a huge withdrawal from his vault? And I said no, I didn�t know, and wasn�t it against the goblin code or something to be talking about people�s private affairs? And she said that she was just trying to help me out by letting me know that my friend had wanted... American money. You could have picked me up off the ground, mate.�
�Come on, let me fill you in.�
Harry pointed to the kitchen and put on the kettle for some tea. He tossed the box of biscuits Ron had been eyeing into his friend�s hands. They sat down at Lupin�s table and Harry told him how Fagan wanted him to go to America and help their Aurors with training and also to help them catch Draco Malfoy.
Ron whistled. �Draco�s causing trouble in the States? You�d think the slimy git would just give up already.�
Harry nodded. �I know. I mean after the war and with his father being killed, you would think he�d want some quiet. But not our Draco. They seem to think he�s responsible for attacks on at least six Muggle born wizards and witches. Including one that might die.�
Ron ran his hand through his hair. �You�d think Draco would just count his blessings and fade into obscurity.�
Harry shrugged. It had been to the dismay of everyone at Hogwarts that Draco had never been brought up on charges. After the war with Voldemort, the Ministry had never had any proof that Draco had done anything to help the Dark Lord. All of that had fallen to his father. So Draco had been ordered under strict watch, to make sure he maintained a law-abiding attitude towards the wizarding world. It hadn�t lasted for long and he had, supposedly, run off to America.
�Reckon the rumors were true then,� Harry said as Ron looked at him questioningly. �That Draco really did go to the States to pick up where the Death Eaters left off.�
Ron made a choked sound and shook his head. �He�s mad as a hatter now, probably. But why does this Fagan person want you to go and help them? Don�t they have any wizards with a little moxie over there?�
Harry smiled. �Fagan seems to think my past association with Draco will help. And Fagan�s son has been filling his father�s head with my great defensive technique.�
Ron laughed. �See, I knew you teaching at Hogwarts would be a bad thing.�
�What do you mean?�
Ron shook his head. �Delusions of grandeur. Not that you needed any extra ones, mind you. You�re head is pretty big now.�
Harry frowned and then saw the smile tugging at Ron�s mouth and knew his friend was only joking. But still...
�Do you think maybe I shouldn�t go?�
�Oh Harry, how in Merlin�s name should I know that? If this is what you want to do, I say do it. You�ll still be studying for your Auror Sainthood-� Ron smiled as Harry frowned, �and you�ll get to see America and you�ll get away from all of this, which is what I thought you should have done to begin with.�
�Thanks for telling me now.�
Ron ate the last biscuit and looked at his friend. Taking a deep breath, he told Harry what was on his mind.
�Look, Harry. You�re my mate. Without being too sentimental, you know I�d do just about anything for you and have. We�ve been best friends since we were eleven and despite that sort of nasty bit there in our fourth year, I�ve never regretted anything. But you haven�t exactly been easy to be around and-� Ron held his hand up when Harry started to interrupt, �Merlin knows you have all the excuse in the world for that. I�m not saying you don�t. But seriously, Harry... you have never much listened to anyone when they�ve told you what to do. But if that is something you�d like me to start doing, so be it. You just have to remember that you might not always like what you hear.�
�Such as?�
Ron sighed. �Such as, is the thing that�s going on between you and my sister the reason you want to leave? Is this trip just another way to get away from that or do you really and truly want to go?�
Harry sat back, surprised at the anger in Ron�s voice. He realized that thanks to Cho�s intervention, he and Ron had never had a chance to talk about what had caused him to return to London.
�Ron, I�m not sure what Hermione may have told you, but there is nothing between me and your sister. Ginny is still in school, she�s young-�
Ron coughed.
�Okay, she�s only slightly younger than I am, but she�s your sister! You said I�m not easy to be around, so why would you wish someone like me on her? You should be holding her away with chains.�
Ron frowned. �You�re not a bad person Harry and yeah, I admit that the idea of anyone with Ginny is slightly... nerve-wracking, but I want Ginny to be happy. She hasn�t exactly had a great time of it either, her connection to him may not have been as strong as yours, but she did have him in her mind. That�s a scary thing for anyone. And this whole seer thing. She�s lost. Quite frankly I don�t know what to tell her. She�s afraid she�s going to end up being a crackpot like Trelawny. But she likes you, Harry. She always has. If that�s what she wants, then...� Ron shrugged and looked at him.
Harry put his head into his hand and stared glumly at his friend.
�When did you get so mature?�
Ron smiled. �Hermione�s had a great influence on the angry beast that is Ron Weasley, mate. But don�t tell her I told you that. Merlin! She�d never let me act up ever again.�
Harry gave Ron a faint smile. �Trust me Ron, Ginny is better off without me.�
�And Cho? What about her, Harry?�
Harry groaned and sat back. �Don�t mention Cho.�
�So, you two came back here and played some chess, did you?�
Harry gave Ron a hateful look. �No. And it�s none of your business what we did. Not that I�m saying we did anything.�
Ron laughed out loud then and he crumpled up the biscuit box. �Harry, you are a dreadful liar, you really are. Come on, let�s go grab a bite to eat. I�m starving! And then I�ll help you pack.�
Harry raised his eyebrow. �You? Helping me pack? Ron, I slept in the same dormitory as you for seven years. Trust me, you can�t pack.�
�Ah.. Ye of little faith, Harry. I tell you, Hermione�s made me a changed man!�
Rolling his eyes at his friend, he picked up their cold teacups and vanished them with his wand. Out of sight, out of mind, like he was soon going to be.
Harry was hoping that for her sake, it was something that Ginny could get use to.
Ginny felt terrible. Dirty, somehow. She was still in bed, curled up into a tight ball. She hadn�t even bothered to get up for her classes.
Bang up of a year you�re having, she thought to herself.
There had been a couple of knocks on her door, but she had ignored them. She knew she had missed her Head Girl duties in the morning and she knew that she was supposed to have met Neville for breakfast afterwards.
But somehow, none of that mattered anymore. Not after last night.
What she done, what she had sunk to with Louis Fagan had been wrong. She felt it as though it had been branded on her body with each touch.
When she closed her eyes she could still see the scenes in her head, still feel them.
So she had succeeded in pushing the ghost of Harry and Cho out of her mind, but what price had she paid for it?
Now she had her own scars to bear and she didn�t like the taste of them in her mouth. Ginny started to cry again and curled herself up tighter. She wanted to disappear. She hadn�t felt this guilty since she�d realized that Tom Riddle had been controlling her when she was eleven. Just make it go away, Tom... just make it end. That was what she had told him.
What had Riddle told her then? Use your mind, Ginny. Go wherever you want to. Let me control the rest of you.
With a small sob, she closed her eyes, the nightmares returning from some long forgotten place where Riddle had owned her. She didn�t hear her door open.
�What are you going to do about Remus?�
It was the next day and Harry was knee deep in socks and other personal affects, having just managed to knock over the bag he�d been carrying. Moaning, he bent down to re-pack the items.
�I don�t know. He�s... away you know, because of the Full Moon and we leave tomorrow. I reckon I�ll have to leave him a note. I�m sure Tonks will fill him in.�
�Ah yes, the mighty Tonks. I think there�s something going on there,� Ron said as he knelt down to help him.
Harry paused. �What? Tonks and Remus? No way, mate.�
Ron smiled. �Haven�t you ever noticed that Tonks is always looking out for Remus?�
Harry thought about it. �No, I mean... yeah, she does. But she�s just like a mate, that�s all. She just looks out for him, like she does for us.�
Ron raised his eyebrow. �She may look out for you, but I assure you, Tonks doesn�t really care if I live or die.�
Harry frowned. �That�s not true Ron, she saved your life at the school that one time in seventh year...�
�Which involved Remus.�
Harry had forgotten that part. �Oh, yeah. Right. But don�t you think Remus would tell me about it if there anything going on?�
Ron stood up and looked down at Harry. �Do you plan on telling Remus about Cho? Do you talk to him about Ginny?�
Harry got the point. He sealed the bag with his wand. He hoisted it up and put the strap around his shoulder.
�First of all, there�s nothing to say about Ginny and second, I don�t know, Ron. It seems as though you want everyone to be a couple these days. What has Hermione done to you?�
Ron turned pink behind the ears a bit. Satisfied, Harry smiled and carried the bag into the living room. That was it, he was all set.
�Ahem. Well, anyway... what do you plan to do about the fair Chang, anyway? She�s sent you four owls and a box of chocolate frogs. You must have really improved in your chess playing, Harry. The poor girl seems to want a rematch.�
�Very funny, Ron,� Harry said as he blushed at Ron�s meaning. �And I don�t know what to do about her. Reckon I�ll just have to leave her a note too.�
Rolling his eyes, Ron counted the bags by the door and made sure everything was accounted for.
�Well, you�re all set, leaving broken hearts and dirty clothes behind you. Now, are you ready for a grand Weasley send off?�
�Er Ron, look... maybe we should just have a nice, quiet meal at home-�
�Nonsense! Are you kidding? As soon as Mum found out you were leaving, she pulled out all the stops. She wants to make you nice and fat for America! And then, after dinner, Fred and George have promised a very wild time indeed.� Ron�s eyes sparkled mischievously and Harry had a growing sense of dread.
�What do they have in mind? The last time I met up with them I got drunk on Ogden�s and had a raging headache the next morning. I don�t need one before I go on a trip across the sea.�
�Oh I�m sure it�ll be respectable,� Ron said as he frowned. �Actually, come to think of it, they did say something about a feather boa and a large tub of SleekEazy�s Hair Gel...�
Oh yeah, that sounds very respectable, Harry thought to himself. He hoped traveling to America didn�t require his ability to think. It sounded as though he�d have another hangover, come morning.